No relationship is perfect all of the time but there are signs you can spot that may indicate whether your relationship is healthy or unhealthy.
Why does it matter? It’s important because healthy relationships are good for our wellbeing and make us feel supported and respected. In unhealthy relationships, our partner shows behaviours that may be abusive including being possessive, controlling, belittling or designed to make you feel guilty.
Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out if your relationship is healthy.
My partner: Yes No
- Listens to me when I have something I want to talk about
- Is kind and supportive of the things that I do
- Gives me the space to enjoy my own hobbies and interests
- Encourages me when I want to try something new
- Is caring and empathetic
- Won’t do anything to hurt me or ruin the relationship
- Checks up on me when I’m out with my friends
- Belittles me, criticises me and/or calls me names
- Controls what I wear and how I look
- Gets very jealous or possessive
- Purposely ruins my successes or achievements
- Tells me no one else would want me
Questions 1-6: Give yourself 1 point for every ‘No’
Questions 7-12: Give yourself one point for every ‘Yes’
0 points: Fantastic! your relationship sounds healthy and as long as it stays that way you have nothing to worry about.
1-2 point: You may have noticed a few things in your relationship that may be unhealthy and they may be red flags. Talk to your partner about any concerns and keep an eye out for any patterns of unhealthy behaviour that may develop.
3 or more points: There are warning signs and you may be in an abusive relationship. You won’t experience these behaviours in a healthy relationship. Your safety is important and you don’t have to cope alone.
Unhealthy relationships can spiral into more and more abusive behaviours. This abuse doesn’t have to be physical. It can include psychological and emotional, physical, financial and sexual abuse as well as isolating you from friends and family.
If you think or know you are being abused by a partner, ex-partner or family member, South West Surrey Domestic Abuse Outreach Service can help you. We are a free, independent and confidential service for anyone affected by domestic abuse who is living in the boroughs of Guildford and Waverley. We listen, believe and support.
Call us: 01483 898884
We are part of Citizens Advice Waverley and a member of Surrey Domestic Abuse Partnership, a group of independent charities, working together across Surrey to ensure that survivors of domestic abuse are safe, and to build a future where domestic abuse is not tolerated.
Citizens Advice Waverley contact details:
Tel 0808 278 7980 (freephone) to speak to an adviser
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Mole Valley contact details:
Contact East Surrey Domestic Abuse Services on 01737 771350 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Surrey Domestic Abuse 9am-9pm Helpline – 01483 776822
In an emergency always dial 999
Reigate and Banstead contact details:
Phone Adviceline: 0808 278 7945 (free) to speak to an adviser (Monday – Friday 9.00 – 16.00)
Email: Use an enquiry form
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